he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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