By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
