i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
