when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
