At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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