I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize