At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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