I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
