I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Randomize
