I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
