So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
