Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
