discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize