I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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