Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
