If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
In America we eat man semen.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
