Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
