dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
