It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
