I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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