Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
