God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
