Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
