my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
