you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
