don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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