you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
