You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
