Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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