actually, I'm a sock model
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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