you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
