I look better un-naked...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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