So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Randomize
