I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
