Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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