Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize