I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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