I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
