Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize