I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
