I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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