And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
