Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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