She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
