It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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