I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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