after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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