well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
