Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
this hospital has no fireball
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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