Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
