I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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