You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
