So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My dick has a subreddit
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
