Umm I'm too high to move.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
