im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
