Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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