So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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