cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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