i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
