That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
