dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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