5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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