i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
