so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize